The Joke Thread

[dana265]

ok  kid friendly joke-

what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?









a stick.....

[Fear250r]

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi.  You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.  I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent.  We just got a job opening from a wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.  You'll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

"And because of the long hours, meals will be provided.  You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.  This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide eyed, said,

"You're bullshittin' me!!"

 

The social worker said, "yeah, well...you started it."

[Fear250r]

Got a good one just came off the wire...


Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and to everyones relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flue.  THe cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws.  By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact of trucks and only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.  They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".

[zarathos]

Silence

[Fear250r]

Jon...this is a joke thread.  Not a riddle thread.  Take your riddles to a riddle thread...  haha